How soon can I throw out the 8 or so homemade Mother's Day cards I'll get from my semi-literate kid tomorrow?

The quaint customs of your country are enchanting. Here, Mother's Day is exactly that - mothers are given free license to dispense justice as they see fit, without the constraints that moral values and human rights might impose. It you are caught outside on this evil anniversary you could expect to see roaming gangs of soccer mums in unrevealing tracksuit pants and distasteful sweaters clubbing emo kids like they were baby seals. Tell your child, by the medium of finger puppets if necessary, just how lucky they are.